003 – Can Attachment Styles Change?

Rock ClimberAttachment theory tells us that there are three main attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant. However, some people will insist that they have been more than one “style” in their lifetime. Is that possible? If yes, what is happening in that situation? Is there hope to move from an insecure attachment style to secure?

In our latest podcast, Rebecca and I discuss these questions and more with Dr. Phil Shaver,  “the father of adult attachment theory.”

 

If the player does not show, you can click here to listen: 003 – Changeable Attachment Styles featuring Dr. Phil Shaver

 

 

Transcript

(Please note: The audio is transcribed “as is,” spoken grammar glitches and all.)

Today we are talking with relationship expert Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen and special guest, researcher, Dr. Phil Shaver.

G:  Hi Becca.

R:  Hey Greg, how are you doing?

G:  Really good today, thanks.  Today’s short clip from Dr. Shaver’s interview has mostly to do with changeability of adult attachment styles.  And this is something that I know we’ve talked about in the past and, frankly, I didn’t understand it.  I had read the book, “Attached” and really loved that book actually, and out of that context I was under the persuasion that adult attachment was something that we were born with or at least we got initially when we were younger, and then that is where we were stuck and that we had to deal with the consequences of that and adapt to that.  What I’m getting from the interview with Dr. Shaver is that, no, there is some flexibility there. Can you talk a little about that before we get to the interview? Continue reading

002 – Does Attachment Theory Apply to Adults?

Attachment theory tells us that we are made to be connected to others. However, a lot of the initial research involved mothers and children. Does it apply to adults as well? In our latest podcast, Rebecca and I talk about this with Dr. Phil Shaver, considered by many to be “the father of adult attachment theory.”

 

 

If the player does not show, you can click here to listen: 002 – Attachment and Adults featuring Dr. Phil Shaver

Transcript

(Please note: The audio is transcribed “as is,” spoken grammar glitches and all.)

G:  Today we are talking with relationship expert Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen and special guest, researcher Dr. Phil Shaver.

G:  Hi Becca!

R:  Hey there Greg, so nice to talk to you today.

G:  In the next few podcasts we’ll be presenting our interview with Dr. Shaver about adult attachment and I’m finding that the concept is quite new to people – at least the adult part.  People are often perplexed that it even applies to adults because so much of the original research is about the mother-child bond.  Can you talk about those roots? Continue reading

Dear Becca: How can I stop the worry train?

Dear Becca,

"spinning around" Some rights reserved by Maria G.I.Sometimes my mind just won’t shut off when things aren’t just right with Michael. I practice discussions with him in my head over and over and over again and, frankly, it tends to make matters worse because I can’t sleep, which makes me worry more, which keeps me up, which makes me… well, you get the idea. What can I do to keep things from going round and round in my head?

Sincerely,

Jennifer
Continue reading

Dear Becca: Events or Emotions?

Dear Becca,

To rebuild a wounded relationship, is it more important to carefully unravel problematic events or to explore the emotions of the situation?

Sincerely,

Michael

Dear Michael,

To repair a wounded relationship, the first step is to prioritize the relationship. It’s the relationship that needs repair.

Often when we want to repair, we want our partner to heal us, to comply to what we think needs to happen to repair trust or to be convinced we really matter and are important to our partner.
Continue reading