RR07 – Cuddling is Crucial

My shoulder was made to hold your head, my hand to hold yours by Katie Tegtmeyer, on FlickrToday’s “Relationship Reading” is from chapter 20, page 441, of the Handbook of Attachment.

Debra Zeifman & Cindy Hazan note:

“Cuddling, or contact comfort, as demonstrated by Harlow (1958), is crucial for the establishment of emotional bonds.”

This quote resonated with me for a number of reasons:

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RR06 – “We don’t think; we feel, we act.”

RR06 - "We don't think; we feel, we act."Today’s “Relationship Reading” is another quote from page 30 of the “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Sue Johnson.

In this section of the book, Dr. Johnson is discussing “primal panic” set off by attachment distress. “We don’t think; we feel, we act.” – is the outcome when the brain’s amygdala takes over if an attachment figure is all of a sudden unavailable or unresponsive. Continue reading

Can a Married Man Have Close Female Friends?

FriendshipI admit that I am an anomaly. I was married at 19 and we have been together for 29 years now.

I also, for as long as I remember, have had a woman as my best friend. I do have guy friends who I appreciate, but when it comes down to “who would I turn to” for support in a time of distress (in addition to my “better-than-a-best-friend” wife, of course) there are at least four women ahead of the first guy on that list.

There are many ways life has conspired to make this a reality in my life, not the least of which is that I work in a profession dominated by women. When work is stressing me out, the ladies understand the context. I also was never the “let’s get drunk and do stupid things” type… which, when I was a teen, most of the guys in my small town were. I also like to talk about the world around me in a way that most of my guy Continue reading

001 – The 2 Minute Miracle

Photo by "Nicola since 1972" via Flikr.comWhat if just 4 minutes a day could improve your relationship with your heartmate. The 2 minute miracle is the subject of our first podcast.


If the player doesn’t show, you can click here to listen: WEfulness 001 – The 2 Minute Miracle

For further information, you can read the article that inspired the broadcast: 2 Minute Miracle by Shane Adamson


(Please note: The audio is transcribed “as is,” spoken grammar glitches and all.)

Welcome to Wefulness where we discuss the science of profound connection.  I am WEfulness co-director Gregory Blake.  Today we are talking with relationship expert Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen.  Besides being a professional psychologist and licensed counselor, she is also my co-editor and the professional voice at WEfulness.com.

G:  Hi Becca, it’s great to finally get in touch with you.

R:  Oh yeah, it’s so good to talk to you.  I’ve really been looking forward to today.

G:  The reason I wanted to talk to you today was mostly because of something you sent me from a colleague of yours the other day.  I believe the title is “The 2 Minute Miracle” and I was wondering if you could talk first about the issue he was trying to address. Continue reading

Leaving room for divorce contributes to marital dissatisfaction?

When asked if there is a trick to staying married as long as we have (28 years as I write this), I’ve been known to reply “Don’t get divorced.” My family heritage and faith emphasize marriage as a commitment and I must admit that at times I’ve felt apologetic and counter-cultural for carrying on that stance. My younger friends are just as likely to say things like, “It’s OK. If it doesn’t work out, we can just get divorced. No biggee.” Obviously, if you know you have a choice in the matter from the start, you’ll feel less trapped and happier, right?

Wrong. According to Daniel Gilbert (Department of Psychology at Harvard University), “The psychological immune system works best when we are totally stuck, when we are trapped.”

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