Attachment figures play an important role in Attachment Theory. In the original research, a child’s mother filled that role. However, if we are talking adult romantic relationships, clearly we are talking about someone or something else. What or who is an attachment figure? In our latest podcast, Rebecca and I discuss this question with Dr. Phil Shaver,  ”the father of adult attachment theory.”

If the player does not show, you can click here to listen: 004 - Attachment Figure Defined .

Attachment theory tells us that there are three main attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant. However, some people will insist that they have been more than one “style” in their lifetime. Is that possible? If yes, what is happening in that situation? Is there hope to move from an insecure attachment style to secure?

In our latest podcast, Rebecca and I discuss these questions and more with Dr. Phil Shaver,  ”the father of adult attachment theory.”

If the player does not show, you can click here to listen: 003 – Changeable Attachment Styles featuring Dr. Phil Shaver

In love sometimes we have to surrender. We have to surrender so we can stop the fight and get back to connection. Resolving the problem should not take priority over how we solve the problem.  If it does, if we think solving the problem is more important than how we solve it we will create a new, and more difficult problem to solve.

In other words, HOW we solve the problem – in the long run – is the most important thing. And relationships are all about the long run. Connection is made to last.

The White Flag exercise is a 20 – 30 minute exercise. It is a way to stop the worry, the hurt, the disconnection, the battle and get back to neutral ground. This exercise will take less time than how long you would take staying in the worry. And it has a better outcome.
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What if just 4 minutes a day could improve your relationship with your heartmate. The 2 minute miracle is the subject of our first podcast.

If the player doesn’t show, you can click here to listen: WEfulness 001 – The 2 Minute Miracle

For further information, you can read the article that inspired the broadcast: 2 Minute Miracle by Shane Adamson

What does it mean to be "sad?"

Is sadness the opposite of happiness? Clinicians, do you have a real definition? It seems ridiculous, but I’m not entirely sure I know.

During some quiet time, my wife and I were sharing answers to a few of the questions I’d read while flipping through the Love Maps app from the Gottman Institute.

The question for me was, “What was your partner’s happiest moment?”

That one was a easy – our wedding day. If you saw the smile on her face that day, the choice was obvious. Her face literally hurt at the end of the day. We talked about why that day made her happy. She talked about feelings of love, joy, accomplishment, and even relief. Like I say, an obvious choice.

But then the obvious discussion point coming back to me was “What was the saddest day in your life?” (more…)