“Nobody can make another person feel anything.” Errrr…

One of the advantages of being new to the field of relationship psychology is that I am still relatively immune to the jargon and nuance of meaning in phrases that professionals seem to use nonchalantly; words that we regular folk may not fully understand.  What is obvious and innocent psychobabble to a practiced therapist sometimes stands out as dangerous non-sense to me. I fully admit that my response is coming from a place of incomplete understanding, but I am convinced that things sometimes get lost in translation for us regular folk. I’ve seen it happen.

So, when a professional recently replied to me that “Nobody can make another person feel anything” my initial response was “horse feathers!” (OK, maybe not horse feathers, but referring to bovine after-product might get me in trouble with my co-editor.) This assertion flies in the face of common sense and seems to contradict a great deal of the hard research I am reading. Continue reading

Boundaries vs. Expectations?

What are boundaries?

I started writing a blog post on expectations in relationships and quickly came to the realization that I am not entirely clear on the distinction between “boundaries” and “expectations.” i.e. If “I won’t allow someone to yell at me” is one of my boundaries, doesn’t that also imply that I have the expectation that your heartmate won’t yell at me?

Who originated the term boundaries in the context of relationship psychology?

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