Comments for WEfulness

Comment on Leaving room for divorce contributes to marital dissatisfaction? by Hannah Williams

Hannah Williams — Sat, 05 May 2012 03:32:33 +0000

I can’t tell you the number of times during the first year of my marriage that I wanted to give up, throw the towel in, and walk away. I’ve always tended to process things by running away instead of facing the music. I’m so thankful and grateful that God protected my marriage. I never actually threatened divorce. I just wanted time away… but any time away could have potentially led to divorce. There are still days when I need my space, but I am no longer even tempted to run to the “potential divorce” excuse. I love my husband so much deeper than I did when we first married, and I’m thrilled that God gives me the grace to stay and work through our problems. It breaks my heart to think that I was ever in a place like that because my husband is truly a blessing! Now we have one of those “synthetically happy” marriages, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

Comment on About by How to Have a Happier Marriage by Eliminating the Option of Divorce | Winning at Romance

Tue, 01 May 2012 19:17:13 +0000

[...] Gina Parris // Note: The following article was written by my friend, Gregory Blake. I loved it when I first read it on his Rated G. Romance Blog as well as at his newest project [...]

Comment on 002 – Does Attachment Theory Apply to Adults? by Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen

Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 08:29:08 +0000

I’m so excited we have this content to offer here, because knowing about attachment theory and attachment style can really help in personal growth and relationship satisfaction.

Here’s one of my all time favorite links, by Dr. Chris Fraley -based on his and Phil Shaver’s initial scale – use it to see what your attachment style is. http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Comment on Exercise #2 – Stopping “Rumination” by Dear Becca: How can I stop the worry train? | WEfulness

Dear Becca: How can I stop the worry train? | WEfulness — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 16:18:42 +0000

[...] Fortunately you do not have to get stuck in forever. Please see “Excerise #2 – Stopping Rumination.“ [...]

Comment on The Vulcan’s Way? Passion vs. Self-Regulation of Reactivity by Gregory Blake

Gregory Blake — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:02:42 +0000

Thanks Lisa! On one hand, I get that. If emotional regulation is a conventional learned behavior, that makes total sense to me.

However, a lot of recent work includes discussions of neuroplasticity and changing the observable characteristics of neurological pathways. For example, Dr. Dan Siegel talks about thickening of brain tissue and the assertion is that this is a good thing. However, my skeptical side wonders, in that context, if the brain change might be acting like a prophylactic that “takes the edge off”… obviously helping with the damaging or unhelpful reactions… but possibly also blunting the intense pleasurable reactions too?

Any brain researchers out there have a moment to educate me and explain how I am wrong?

Comment on The Vulcan’s Way? Passion vs. Self-Regulation of Reactivity by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 23:28:37 +0000

Emotional regulation isn’t about numbing all emotions but about containing damaging or unhelpful reactions harming self or others. My humble two-cents, of course.

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Comment on About by Questioning Mindfulness – Introduction | WEfulness

Questioning Mindfulness – Introduction | WEfulness — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 22:27:08 +0000

[...] About [...]

Comment on Dear Page by Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen

Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 19:33:49 +0000

Alone again. Met with silence. That really is a place of suffering. We do suffer after discord when we are left in disconnection. The disconnection prompts us to keep looking; imagining ways to recreate connection. Connection that hears and responds, that holds and comforts. There you are, waiting and wondering and suffering in that stuck place.

It’s important when you’re in that stuck place to recognize the feelings that keep your head spinning in exhausting silence. You know this place, the feeling of aloneness, the fear of never being heard or understood or confident of your importance. You vacillate between longing for understanding and angry that you’re alone and not understood, your mind racing all the while.

When you’re in this fatiguing, tormenting place there is something you can do to stop your downhill falling. Like a downhill skier, knowing how to slow, turn and stop your run-away emotions is critical to prevent catastrophe and change course. It takes strength and skill to stop your run-away emotions. Strength supplied from your desire and commitment to your relationship. The skill is developed by practice, or emotional exercise.

Comment on We Need to Talk… by Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 01:02:05 +0000

Thanks for listening Rebecca. It did hurt. Actually it still hurts.

I guess I have lots to learn.

Comment on We Need to Talk… by Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen

Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 23:25:55 +0000

Jennifer –

That’s such a difficult place. To feel hurt or upset then turn to your partner to try to resolve it and get even more confused or hurt is a really hard time.

First, I want you to know you’re not alone. We’ve all had misunderstandings with our partners. And I bet that MOST of us who have turned to our partner with the statement, “we need to talk” have experienced being rebuffed or get the message we’re too much or, worse yet the message our partner isn’t with us in the desire to share the concern.

Then, there we are, really alone – emotionally. Which can also then end up in hours, if not days of disconnection.

Second, the need to repair, resolve and reconnect after something concerning happened is a real need.

As people, we need teamwork and closeness, acceptance and emotional safety.

It sounds like you and your partner could be caught in the most common pattern of distress that couples face – the pursue/withdraw pattern. The good news is, as the most common pattern of distress it’s also one we really know how to help.

One thing we know, is that when couples can step back and look at their pattern they can also begin to find ways to defeat the pattern.
Your therapist can help you with this, and there is help here and at http://www.livinginlove.us/.

Glad you’re here.