Sometimes my mind just won’t shut off when things aren’t just right with Michael. I practice discussions with him in my head over and over and over again and, frankly, it tends to make matters worse because I can’t sleep, which makes me worry more, which keeps me up, which makes me… well, you get the idea. What can I do to keep things from going round and round in my head?
Ruminating is repetitive thinking about the same thing, like trying to solve a nagging problem. We can get caught thinking, thinking, thinking… and not being able to get our mind off the problem or issue that we’re concerned about.
We often think, or use our heads, when there’s pain or distress in our bodies that we don’t know how to resolve. “Going to our head” is often an unconscious process and we can find ourselves just stuck there on a thought train that goes round and round.
So, in order to stop the rumination there are two angles we need to work from: first, what to do when we’re caught ruminating and, second, working to prevent it from it happening over and over. Continue reading
To rebuild a wounded relationship, is it more important to carefully unravel problematic events or to explore the emotions of the situation?
To repair a wounded relationship, the first step is to prioritize the relationship. It’s the relationship that needs repair.
Often when we want to repair, we want our partner to heal us, to comply to what we think needs to happen to repair trust or to be convinced we really matter and are important to our partner.
In love sometimes we have to surrender. We have to surrender so we can stop the fight and get back to connection. Resolving the problem should not take priority over how we solve the problem. If it does, if we think solving the problem is more important than how we solve it we will create a new, and more difficult problem to solve.
In other words, HOW we solve the problem – in the long run – is the most important thing. And relationships are all about the long run. Connection is made to last.
The White Flag exercise is a 20 – 30 minute exercise. It is a way to stop the worry, the hurt, the disconnection, the battle and get back to neutral ground. This exercise will take less time than how long you would take staying in the worry. And it has a better outcome.