We Need to Talk…

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About Jennifer

I have been told I have a tendency to clingy and needy in my relationship with my partner. (I hate those labels, BTW). My therapist says I have been a pursuing partner in my relationship; "anxious" in attachment theory jargon. We've been struggling, but I'll die if we don't end up finding a way to make it work.

2 thoughts on “We Need to Talk…

  1. Jennifer –

    That’s such a difficult place. To feel hurt or upset then turn to your partner to try to resolve it and get even more confused or hurt is a really hard time.

    First, I want you to know you’re not alone. We’ve all had misunderstandings with our partners. And I bet that MOST of us who have turned to our partner with the statement, “we need to talk” have experienced being rebuffed or get the message we’re too much or, worse yet the message our partner isn’t with us in the desire to share the concern.

    Then, there we are, really alone – emotionally. Which can also then end up in hours, if not days of disconnection.

    Second, the need to repair, resolve and reconnect after something concerning happened is a real need.

    As people, we need teamwork and closeness, acceptance and emotional safety.

    It sounds like you and your partner could be caught in the most common pattern of distress that couples face – the pursue/withdraw pattern. The good news is, as the most common pattern of distress it’s also one we really know how to help.

    One thing we know, is that when couples can step back and look at their pattern they can also begin to find ways to defeat the pattern.
    Your therapist can help you with this, and there is help here and at http://www.livinginlove.us/.

    Glad you’re here.

  2. Thanks for listening Rebecca. It did hurt. Actually it still hurts. 😥

    I guess I have lots to learn.

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